Berner Blog

My Blog has moved to my new website

2011-01-11T19:47:00.000-08:00

Berner Blog is now at http://trulyrandomestates.net

Amusing Armani

2011-01-07T11:22:00.000-08:00

Randy, in an attempt to engage the parrot while Sheila is off in Long Beach at the National Needlearts Association show, plays kirtans for him at sunrise. He seems to like them and sings along, disguised as a cat. The faster it gets the louder he gets. There is quite a bit of yowling near the end of each selection (I am eternally grateful for my dog door).

After a while it is time for quiet meditation, or perhaps the bird is just napping.

Armani accompanies the Stones in the evening (Randy is thinking of adding some Yardbirds tunes to his iParrot). These songs often don't start out slowly, so this is even noisier; an excellent time for my postprandial stroll.

Meow Meow Meow Meow (Hare Krishna Hare Krishna)

Meow Meow Meow Meow (Krishna Krishna Hare Hare)

Meow Meow Meow Meow (Hare Rama Hare Rama)

Meow Meow Meow Meow (Rama Rama Hare Hare)

QR Code Sweater

2011-01-03T16:24:00.000-08:00

My scribe, who thinks the NSA may be after him and prefers to remain incognito, is modeling his new QR code sweater (100% merino wool) knitted by you know who. The QR code points to my blog!

Happy Christmahanukkwanzadan!

2010-12-25T10:58:00.001-08:00

Did I forget anyone?

Armani micromanages a knitting project

2010-12-22T12:28:00.001-08:00

Armani

2010-12-12T16:48:00.000-08:00

Sheila got Armani as payment for a veterinary bill 22 years ago when he (we think--he never laid an egg) was a baby and she was starting the Sangre de Cristo Animal Hospital with Stacey (that's where he got his silly name). As of today he's living with Sheila and Randy, just in time for the Holidays. His days as a corporate mascot are over.

Randy says that he likes the symmetry of it: first in and last out of the original crew. Stacey was the first to go.

Armani usually hates the slightest change in his routine, but he seems to have made himself right at home...same Sheila(his favorite person), same Randy(8+ with Sheila being 10), same Hoover, same cage, same rope. I guess he feels he has nothing to complain about at the moment.

Junior is afraid of him.

Avatar

2010-11-28T13:25:00.001-08:00

My mom is at her monthly spinning group. This probably fools Randy, as he is only human.

Tomorrow is National Opt-Out Day

2010-11-23T21:23:00.000-08:00

A thoughtful commentary

A reasoned debate

A cautionary tale

Full-body scanners: proper stance guide

Hoover Berner

2010-11-16T06:46:00.000-08:00

I realized during my morning patrol at four (alpha dogs sleeping soundly;Junior dozing under the bed) that I have the same initials as Harald Bluetooth. I must remember to design a logo.

Berner's eye view of negligent alpha dog

2010-11-14T14:02:00.000-08:00

Sheila is ignoring me wirelessly with candy apple red Bluetooth headphones. Dogs don't grok red but we definitely know about being ignored.

Bluetooth technology is named after King Harald I of Denmark, an ancient(before smartphones and facebook) ruler remembered as a great uniter. When he heard this the other, more troublesome alpha dog chimed in: 'Like King George I of the USA, right?'.

Some people think Harald Bluetooth (HB for short) was called that because he ate a lot of blueberries, or maybe he was just cold all the time. The Nordic runes for H and B, when superimposed, give the modern-day logo:

Those Scandinavians are a clever bunch. They are really good knitters too.

Regardless, I am still being ignored.

Gunfight Epiphany et. al.

2010-11-10T21:34:00.000-08:00

Not BERNERS, but pretty good anyway

Play

Higher fidelity is available from iTunes starting today.

Some other TV music suggestions from the alpha dogs

And in case you remember them and aren't too old to operate a keyboard, Beatles albums are now exclusively available for download on iTunes! The two Apples have finally resolved their differences, and not a moment too soon.

Sheila likes the Beatles and downloaded Abbey Road. iTunes annoys Randy and unless he's cornered he just downloads plain old MP3 files. Today he likes the Bored to Death album, especially Dawn Landes, Arling and Cameron, Young Marble Giants, Sean Hayes and Dan Auerbach(half of The Black Keys). Also, M. Ward sings Rave On by Buddy Holly. Even if you remember the Beatles, you might not remember him unless you've lived in Lubbock.

La música aún más: Caribe Atomico(Aterciopelados), Vasos Vacíos(Los Fabulosos Cadillacs),Baïonarena(Manu Chao).

How to explain Daylight Saving Time to a dog

2010-11-07T05:50:00.001-08:00

I thought the alpha dogs were kidding about the coffee cups

2010-11-05T15:46:00.000-07:00

Someone called Sheila at the yarn store and asked her how to make her new smartphone read the store's QR code. She went on to say it's the up and coming thing.

Sheila said she had no clue how to make a smartphone read a QR code. Maybe take a picture of it with the camera and hope the right app or firmware is installed to decode it? If not, then it is off to the app store with ye, matey. Yarrr.

QR codes,which actually have been around for about 15 years, may have some recent competition from Microsoft Tag, which comes in pretty colors. Google likes the QR codes (an open standard) and we know what Microsoft likes.

The alpha dogs have enough trouble with their feature phones and say they will just be drinking coffee from their QR mugs and reading in the usual way while the barcode wars are fought. Sheila thinks there is such a thing as having too much information.

Randy, who sometimes has no sense and really doesn't think that, did some experiments. An online decoder was able to decipher this, which impressed him (Sheila's response:la la la la la). The coffee cup failed the test miserably, though. Moral: don't bend your QR codes too much.

News on the cancer front

2010-11-02T13:19:00.000-07:00

According to Dr. Kelly (my oncologist), my hemangiosarcoma is subcutaneous and did not metastasize from somewhere else. These types of tumors don't usually go elsewhere, although they are locally aggressive and still quite dangerous(blood loss, e.g.) if not looked after. But, it's not an automatic death sentence like the type of hemangiosarcoma that merrily invades an internal organ.

So, once my incision heals Sheila will administer more local chemotherapy with a different drug this time and then keep an eye on me in case she has to cut out some more stuff later.

Before going to see Dr. Kelly, we stopped by SDCAH where Sheila absconded with some of my blood and then put in a few more sutures to replace some she accused me of tearing out, while Jana and Suzanne held me down. It's so nice to see friends. Joy was the only one that behaved in a civilized manner.

Randy said it was pretty good bad news, and decided he doesn't have to be quite so nice to me for a while.

Election Day

2010-11-02T08:06:00.001-07:00

The alpha dogs, as voters, know the correct definition of the word 'dilemma'. A choice between chicken and turkey bacon, e.g., would not be a dilemma. Well, not for me, anyway.

My new bracelet

2010-10-29T10:30:00.000-07:00

Chazz(ZZ), Frankie(Top) and Spats(Spats), Annie's rabbits, got me a LiveStrong bracelet.

That episode a couple of weeks ago with the women that castrate turned out to be another occurrence of my hemangiosarcoma. It's pesky.

Sheila is doing what she can. All things being equal, it's much better to be canine than human. I can't speak for rabbits.

This doesn't look like a yarn store...

2010-10-27T18:56:00.000-07:00

Below is the quick response code for Sheila's yarn store, a present from google places. The idea is to show it to your cell phone for info, a coupon, a terribly important alert to your Facebook friends,this, etc. At the time of this post the response from most US cell phones would be 'Whaaaa!?', but not for long. Advertisers are always looking for new ways to get to you. TiVo, e.g., put a crimp in one of the traditional ways.

Randy thought this QR code might look good on a tee shirt(geek alert: the white boundary is part of the code). He says it would be art and an advertisement, all at once; also maybe a good multi-stranded knitting project. Then he started muttering to himself about the perfect storm of error-correcting code, aesthetics, and crass commercialism. Maybe he should have something to eat.

Now the alpha dogs are discussing coffee cups. They seem quite excited. Please, oh please, not on my dog dish...

Sheila is thinking of using this picture for her new Facebook page

2010-10-27T17:10:00.000-07:00

I'm a bit miffed

Sheila and I fighting aliens...

2010-10-24T16:47:00.000-07:00

...in the Bernilius Sector(I didn't make that up).

Hoover's random digits for multi-stranded knitting projects

2010-10-18T07:36:00.000-07:00

Sheila has used these to get cool color patterns in knitting projects (some knitters just use dice or maybe a roulette wheel if they happen to find themselves multitasking in a casino). This seems very nerdy to me. At first I thought the alpha dogs were talking about their toes.

Anyway, click HERE for all the free random digits you need. You will get a different sequence of digits each time you visit. Don't spend them all in one place.

Randy says it's interesting how much research has been done on generating "random" numbers with computers, i.e., it's not easy to closely approximate random behavior with a program and many people have been fooled very badly^*. I find cheddar cheese a lot more interesting than any of this.

^*Important note: Hoover is not responsible for knitting catastrophes of any kind arising from the use of his (pseudo)random digits.

Quality time with Sheila and Jana

2010-10-17T13:06:00.001-07:00

When I woke Sheila, as usual, at 7 this morning, she couldn't help but notice a nice pool of bright red blood underneath me everywhere I walked.

So, here I am spending another Sunday morning with friends and family like I did two weeks ago at the Taos Wool Festival. Nothing personal, but I liked the Festival better. Joy and Michele stopped by to see how things were going, but I was totally conked and didn't get to see them.

My mom patched me up in about an hour with a lot of help from Jana and I am once again at home, sleeping very soundly by now after wobbling past my scribe and telling him to "make it work".

Bernese Mountain Dogs belie the Swiss reputation for precision engineering.

My scribe is a Luddite

2010-10-12T19:05:00.000-07:00

It was pointed out to Randy that he had not enabled comments on my blog. He is trying to fix that now but seems puzzled. Computers confuse him.

Maybe Sheila will help him.

Comments may be enabled on new posts eventually, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

Limited/unlimited time offers

2010-10-07T16:25:00.001-07:00

The Connie Cycle

2010-10-05T14:38:00.001-07:00

Sheila==>
Laptop==>
Virtual tennies==>
Router/Gateway in laundry room==>
Comcast coax==>
Internet backbone==>
Converse factory==>
US MAIL==>
Sheila

Time: 4 weeks

Taos Wool Festival

2010-10-03T14:12:00.000-07:00

Here I am about to be introduced to one of many small humans I met today. One of them grabbed my tongue, a greeting ritual that is new to me. That's my ID badge on my leash.

In this picture, my attention is focused entirely on a nearby LambBurger stand.

The weather was very pleasant(no thunderstorms!) and the grass was green. Sheila and I were totally exhausted by the time we got home. I quickly dictated this entry to my scribe and should be counting sheep by now.

My Business Card

2010-10-01T17:53:00.001-07:00

Sheila, Annie, Jana and I are driving up to the Taos Wool Festival on Sunday in my Subaru. Field trip!

Last year at the Festival people were asking a lot questions about me so now I have a business card.

I told Randy, who lashed it together for me, that it looked a bit like a small wanted poster. He said not many dogs get their own business cards, and I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. Randy is not quite as good-natured as my Mom.

My favorite time of year

2010-09-15T11:40:00.000-07:00

Cool enough for me and warm enough for Sheila to hang out on the porch together!

Connies in the 21st Century

2010-08-30T11:59:00.000-07:00

Virtual at the time of this post, soon to be real and on Sheila's feet.

Sheila's yerba mate lemonade cooler for the dog days of summer

2010-08-30T11:07:00.000-07:00

1. Brew a cup of yerba mate tea^* (one rounded tablespoon of yerba mate in a tea ball, say, with 12 ounces of nearly boiling water for five minutes).

2. Fill a tall, colorful summertime glass with crushed ice. Sprinkle with a packet of Crystal Light "natural" lemonade mix.

3. Pour the mate into the tall glass and stir. Garnish with a sprig of fresh mint and a slice of real lemon if desired(a virgin aspartame lemon yerba mate mojito?).

4. Sit outside and sip through a straw.

All of the health benefits of yerba mate with the delicious lemon flavor that only the industrial food chain could produce!

^*Randy recommends Canarias yerba mate in the bright yellow kilo bag (buy in Uruguay or online from Amazon.com), or you can purchase Nativa mate at Whole Foods.

Dogs are smarter than computers

2010-08-28T21:19:00.000-07:00

Here is the current state of computer voice recognition. Run the sound clip to see what was actually said(note: in fairness to google, they do as good a job as anybody of voice recognition. It just doesn't work as well as it does in the movies).

hi there it just rang couple mailbox i still make it i'll stop %ah i know i was wondering how you would translation bandaged you trash with the mailbox i'm coming home now %ah i'll there's a little bit of this ht i was just by i've waiting for my given a and i will see you soon possibility stuff baby {click}

She's home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-08-23T17:10:00.001-07:00

Where's Sheila?

2010-08-23T16:53:00.000-07:00

Needlemania update

2010-08-21T16:54:00.000-07:00

Since this is the finale of Sheila's six month veterinary acupuncture course, there are tests: an oral exam today and a four hour written exam tomorrow.

The oral exam consists of identifying twenty requested acupuncture points on a greyhound. Sheila says finding points on a greyhound is a lot easier than finding points on a Bernese Mountain Dog. Unfortunately, this doesn't stop her from stabbing me with needles.

Anyway, she passed that one, so one more to go.

After tomorrow's exam she is going to drive up to Gainesville and check out a Birkenstock sale, and then back to dry ground on Monday.

What's in a word?

2010-08-21T06:27:00.000-07:00

woof

How gauchos and some alpha dogs stay awake

2010-08-19T19:34:00.000-07:00

Yerba Mate is THE beverage in the neighborhood of Uruguay. It has lots of stimulants, antioxidants and no caffeine hangover. Personally, I prefer napping.

Needlemania finale

2010-08-18T08:19:00.000-07:00

Sheila left for Ocala this morning to wrap up 6 months of learning about small animal acupuncture. I think I'll just lie here for 5 days looking at the place where her car used to be, at least until I get hot or hear the first peal of thunder or it's time for dinner (whichever comes first).

Math in the USA

2010-08-14T11:42:00.000-07:00

Lockhart's Lament

Randy thought this was an insightful article. Go figure.

I don't need to count any higher than three (the number of treats I get after breakfast).

However, I am also intimately familiar with the relatively abstract concept of zero, as in "You don't need a treat right now".

Responses to Lockhart's Lament

Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock

2010-08-12T21:31:00.000-07:00

This is no fun at all. Randy keeps beating me because all I can throw is Paper. I'm thinking about reporting him to the SPCA.

Santa Fe County Fair

2010-08-05T13:27:00.000-07:00

The alpha dogs brought back pics of a cool chicken, big bunnies and Sheila's sweater, an Incan design knitted with wool and alpaca using a stranded technique. I didn't get to go along, which is probably just as well because it's hot today.

Find the tree squirrel

2010-07-20T21:37:00.000-07:00

Sheila spotted this handsome rodent while she was out watering her bonsai. I'm a little embarrassed I didn't see him first.

Read about squirrels in the New York Times

Happy 4th!

2010-07-03T10:50:00.000-07:00

The alpha dogs will be running the BBQ, which is usually good news for me.

Is it safe?

2010-06-26T16:42:00.000-07:00

My mom just received her new electronic acupunctoscope from the Chi Institute. It's made in Beijing.

She is going to use the most modern version of the ancient ways to try and alleviate my knee pain. She would like to avoid giving me too many NSAIDs or doing a surgery on my busted cranial cruciate ligament. A chance to cut isn't always a chance to cure especially when the patient is an old guy like me.

I'm a large tricolored guinea pig

2010-06-24T07:20:00.000-07:00

Sheila is using me to locate canine acupuncture points. So far she has mapped the Gall Bladder meridian(44 points, 88 if you count symmetries), Liver meridian(14/28 points) and the Triple Heater meridian(23/46 points). There are 11 more (classical)meridians to go. Great.

Randy said he doesn't think I'm really a dog, but Sheila says I'm close enough.

At least she's not sticking needles in me, yet.

New butterfly

2010-06-23T13:14:00.000-07:00

Randy was doing some work on the front porch ceiling joists this morning (I was supervising) and he saw a large medium-sized butterfly, just emerged from its cocoon.

It looked like it was rode hard and put up wet, which is not surprising since it seems like it would take a lot of work to get out of that straitjacket. It's pretty amazing that a whole butterfly fits in that little casing. Randy said it reminded him of air travel.

The poor thing was much too tired to put up a fuss when Randy took this photo. Every summer he tries to take a picture of a butterfly but can never get one to sit still.

About four hours later it stretched its wings and flew off. We tried to identify it but are not sure of its species. There are a zillion kinds of butterflies! Our best guess is that it is a golden banded-skipper, or a close relative.

Needlemania dries out

2010-06-21T04:55:00.001-07:00

Sheila and her black Sonata are rolling down to ORL and home(YAY!) on the Ronald Reagan Turnpike, an aptly named toll road.

Early this morning she saw the Monstermobile parked outside her room, but sadly there were no free samples.

Droll, verrrry droll

2010-06-19T19:48:00.000-07:00

Randy told Sheila to expect the Summer solstice in Ocala on Monday at 6:28am. He said he wanted to warn her so she wouldn't be caught off guard if it suddenly got hot.

I'm not sure she found that amusing.

More news from Ocala

2010-06-18T07:05:00.000-07:00

After flying into Orlando Wednesday night and taking the scenic route to Ocala(via Tampa!) because she was trusting enough to follow directions from her idiotic rental car agent¹, Sheila settled into a hot and humid learning routine. She drives about 15 miles early in the morning from her traditional Western motel to the Chi Institute in Reddick and starts her day with Tai Chi. Then she sits at the feet of the Masters for the rest of the day learning about traditional Chinese veterinary medicine.

She is really enjoying her course of study but says it takes a lot of energy and focus. I guess the Tai Chi helps with that. They are also feeding her well.

While Randy was watering Sheila's bonsai this morning he asked me if we should start calling her Grasshopper. I have no idea what he is talking about.

I have a high degree of confidence that my peripatetic mom will return to me exactly on schedule(Monday). Let's hear it for high humidity.

¹One might argue that it is not a rental agent's job to give directions. However, this person was walking around with a map asking people if they needed directions. Randy doesn't believe that anyone could possibly be so brainless and insists that this was some kind of prank, originating perhaps from a rival rental car company. Sheila told him he should get out a little more.

News from Ocala

2010-06-17T13:20:00.001-07:00

Needlemania heats up

2010-06-16T10:04:00.001-07:00

Sheila is off to Ocala again for another set of veterinary acupuncture labs at the Chi Institute. Most of the course is online but three trips to the southeast are required so that everybody gets to enjoy the experience of north central Florida in the summertime. Go Gators.

Randy suggested that Sheila take her scuba gear(for walking around, not diving), but she decided he was probably being facetious. Her plan is simply to swim briskly from one air conditioner to the next dodging mosquitoes along the way and hoping for the best, like she did when she lived in north Georgia(Go Dawgs). This is definitely not Berner country or Sheila country.

Nobody said cramming four thousand years of Eastern wisdom into six months was going to be easy.

Music recommendations from the humans, etc.

2010-06-14T19:12:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack from Crazy Heart
Gangstagrass - bluegrass and Hip Hop fusion with the album Lightning on the Strings and Thunder on the Mic and the single Long Hard Times to Come, featuring T.O.N.E.-Z

Randy mumbled something about Nat Cole being pretty good too.

New treat recommendation from me: TJs buddy biscuits!

It's just easier not to say anything...

2010-06-06T16:06:00.000-07:00

Is this anything?

2010-06-06T11:44:00.001-07:00

Randy says it is part of the Apollonian gasket and hints at the mysterious relationship of the Universe to mathematics.

I'll have to ask Sheila if he has been into my veterinary supply cabinet.

My mom goes to DEFCON 1

2010-06-03T12:04:00.000-07:00

I've been limping around on my back left leg for a few days. Since my cancer scare about a year ago my personal veterinarian has been watching me like a hawk(Sheila the vet is not as easy-going as Sheila the mom).

She was a little worried that it might be an osteosarcoma(quite common in Berners, and very nasty). It probably didn't help that one of my daughters just got done in by this short of her 6th birthday.

Anyway, that would mean bye bye left leg tomorrow(palliative treatment to alleviate pain and buy some time) and bye bye me shortly thereafter. Veterinarians don't call my breed Bernese Mountain Time Bombs for nothing!

She told Randy that it didn't seem like cancer to her(bone cancers are usually quite painful and can often be palpated), but being Sheila she dragged my butt down to Sangre de Cristo for a radiograph, in the heat of the day(whine). She had to take two shots because I wasn't feeling cooperative. Afterwards I lay down in my normal place between reception and pharmacy and tripped employees for a few minutes while Sheila held her breath and looked at my X-ray.

The picture showed nothing more than a probable cranial cruciate ligament tear in my left knee(bone cancers produce starburst patterns in the radiograph). Knee problems are quite common in dogs and humans but not life-threatening. Randy said whoever designed that joint should get a pink slip then mumbled something about "not likely" and "tenure". His right ACL has been AWOL for about 35 years.

We have now stepped down from DEFCON 1. I doubt if we're at green, though. Maybe blue, or yellow. I doubt if we'll ever be at green again while I roam the Earth, which makes me like an airport.

What is the point of having a condition colored green?

Shedding season in Berner country!

2010-05-26T16:42:00.001-07:00

White-breasted nuthatches, winged and otherwise

2010-05-17T19:46:00.000-07:00

Randy, who probably doesn't have enough to do, was installing a dead branch right next to the pie plate of water he keeps outside for the birds. It turns out that the white-breasted nuthatches like to hang upside down from a branch when they take drinks of water, which they do when there are no ravens about.

Junior and I were staring at him so after a while he turned around and said: "There are some really big wingless white-breasted nuthatches around here too. You should keep an eye out for them. If you find one I'll give you a liver cracker.

We looked everywhere but didn't see one. Randy just smiled and gave us a cracker anyway.

Humans are incomprehensible.

Sheila does some needlework

2010-05-11T18:48:00.000-07:00

Randy had an upset stomach, so Sheila gave him some ginger tea and stuck a couple of needles in point number six of his pericardium meridian. She also knits sweaters and socks.

The summer season

2010-05-10T12:59:00.001-07:00

Long time no see

2010-05-03T13:37:00.001-07:00

Santa Fe or bust

2010-05-02T05:50:00.000-07:00

Sheila had a "long, hot but fun" day at the Sheep and Wool Festival yesterday. She'll be relieved to know it is snowing in the City Different, and that there is a freeze watch tonight!

She is on her way to the nearest international airport. If you must get on a plane, BWI isn't a bad place to do it: Starbucks, free Wi-Fi and big upholstered chairs equipped with USB ports and cup holders. Knerdy knitter knirvana...

Sheila drives through Washington DC

2010-04-28T16:05:00.000-07:00

She told Randy she didn't care for the traffic.

More precisely: "IT SUCKED!"

Randy mumbled something about traffic not being the only thing that sucks in DC.¹

Apparently Google Maps told her to drive straight through the city and neglected to mention the Beltway. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, if you survive.

Happily, she is now safely ensconced in the countryside of southeastern Pennsylvania at Leslie's place. Her prognosis for a complete recovery is good.

She is leaving for Columbia, MD and the Sheep and Wool Festival on Friday. No further auto-related trauma is forecast at this time.

The plan for tomorrow is a lazy day in Pennsylvania. The major activity will be a visit to the Dansko factory outlet in West Grove.

I thought Sheila did that last year. What is the deal with human females and shoes, anyway?

¹Please see my legal disclaimer posted last Groundhog Day

News from Charleston

2010-04-27T06:32:00.000-07:00

My mom had a relaxing day in old Charleston yesterday. She said the weather was perfect and there's lots of seafood around. Best of all, the ocean is right there.

The Chi Institute was fun, but not relaxing, as they crammed so much information about traditional Chinese vet medicine in her head she was wondering if it was going to explode. The drive from Ocala to Charleston after classes wrapped up on Sunday afternoon was a bit of a trek because she had to plow through a tornado warning in Gainesville and a gigantic construction delay on I-95 near the Okefenokee swamp in Georgia. Randy says Georgia has more orange construction barrels on the roads than anywhere else he has been.

She was tired by the time she got to Charleston Sunday night, but Monday made up for that. Instead of trying to cram more information into her head by going to Fort Sumter, she let a Percheron named Bill cart her around. Bill's shift is six weeks on and four weeks off, and yesterday was the last day before his vacation. He said he was feeling antsy and was looking forward to horsing around on the pasture for a while. Randy said Bill must belong to a pretty good union(the Teamsters?).

Sheila was quite excited about getting to ride shotgun. Later she had dinner with an old friend from graduate school. She didn't say if she did any shopping(we always find out about that later).

Now she's off with her Monster drink to her next overnight in Richmond. She'll hit Lancaster County tomorrow, where she will impose herself on old friends for a couple of days and sweetly ask to use their washing machine. Her biggest problem right now is that she can't find the AUX jack on her rental car.

Sheila says she likes the nomadic lifestyle, hopping from one Hampton Inn to the next, but also said she missed me a lot and would probably come home after the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival this weekend.

Needle week

2010-04-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

My mom will be flitting up and down the east coast for a week or so. She got on the plane in ABQ yesterday, but not before her Leatherwoman tool was seized at the airport.

The first stop is in Ocala to continue 90 hours of education in traditional Chinese veterinary medicine, with an emphasis on the theory and practice of small animal acupuncture. If I see her later with a box of needles I must remember to run outside immediately. I am not sure I am a small animal, but it is best to err on the side of caution.

Then Sheila the shop girl is off to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival with Leslie and Martha(maybe), her friends in Lancaster County. She probably won't buy a sheep but will certainly buy roving as it is naturally light and can be compressed to the density of a neutron star inside one's suitcase. The TSA would confiscate a ewe, no doubt. They are a tiresome bunch.

Along the way, she is stopping in Charleston and Richmond. The plan is to visit Fort Sumter(an attempt to understand Southerners?). I don't know what she is going to do in Richmond. Visit a tobacco farm? None of this seems to have anything to do with needles. A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of tiny minds, I suppose. Or is that little minds?

Yikes!

2010-04-04T09:19:00.000-07:00

Another rabbit appeared in the house this morning. I can't explain it; perhaps it is ZZ's doppelganger.

It's my birthday!

2010-04-01T10:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm an April Fool, beginning my ninth year as humans reckon time.

Randy gave me a little peanut butter on my breakfast biscuits this morning and promised me half a slice of turkey bacon with my kibble tonight. I got an extra big cuddle from Sheila after breakfast before she fluttered off to her yarn store.

Lots of treats today!

a small piece of cheddar cheese
a few liver crackers (3 calories apiece, but not bad at all)
an apple core
a small piece of banana
three Pepperidge Farm goldfish, and then more when Randy accidentally spilled some on the floor
turkey bacon, as promised
two pieces of delicious, chewy heartworm preventative.

Sheila asked Randy if he thought I wanted a candle with dinner. He said he didn't think so, unless it had a slice of smoked ham wrapped around it.

I like birthdays and it seems to me that, being a dog, I should get seven of them each human year.

Hoover dictates a blog entry to his scribe

2010-03-17T16:23:00.001-07:00

It's National Pi Day

2010-03-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

Randy and Sheila will be celebrating Pi Day at 1:59PM with pizza. The topping will consist of nice round pepperoni slices to add just a hint of recursion. Of course.

I fear that my alpha dogs may be a bit nerdy. However, I am always willing to play along when pepperoni pizza is involved.

Today is also the birthday of Albert Einstein. Fascinating.

National Pi Day was created in 2009 by the US House of Representatives with HR 224. When Randy heard this he said: "I'm sure the Republicans voted against it. They all think the value of pi is 3."

We just ignore him.

Live WebCam of Phoebe the Hummer

2010-03-09T09:38:00.001-08:00

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/Hummingbird-Nest-Cam

Update March 14th: Hatching begins!
Update March 17th: Don't count your hummers before they're hatched.
Update March 22nd: Phoebe is now free as a bird. If you are into owls and owlets, try here (warning: owls are rather fond of rabbit, medium rare).

Unexpected events

2010-03-07T17:24:00.000-08:00

Which is a better surprise if you are Sheila?

finding a really big Berner(me) suddenly on top of you because he heard some Winter thunder (March 7 at 6:14pm MST)
having a Toyota truck suddenly visit the inside of your yarn store (March 5 at 5:35pm MST)

My picture reappeared!

2010-03-05T08:59:00.000-08:00

Whatever. I am as a stone in the stream.

How to manage hay fever as a Buddhist

2010-03-05T08:42:00.000-08:00

http://www.wikihow.com/Manage-Hayfever-As-a-Buddhist

Wait a minute! I just noticed that the big, beautiful picture of me at the top of my blog has disappeared into The Cloud! It's just gone!!

Ah, well: Life Is Sorrowful...

Or, maybe I'll just get my severely middle-aged scribe to hobble into the mist and find my photo if it doesn't reemerge soon, say in ten seconds. Noble Truths are well and good, but this is serious.

Dog with icicle

2010-02-26T08:35:00.001-08:00

It's been a long, cold, snowy winter. I like it!

Flicker having a drink

2010-02-09T08:50:00.001-08:00

If you're a flicker, this picture couldn't make more sense to you.

This is a female (they're not quite as pretty as the males, naturally), right in my backyard.

The Great Nor'easter of 2010

2010-02-06T20:48:00.000-08:00

My friend Martha in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania sent me these pictures of her Great Pyrenees puppy Ziv (84 pounds already - he's going to be bigger than me!) in about 25 inches of brand new snow. Junior and I are kind of envious; there are only about 3 inches on the ground here in Santa Fe.

Randy on Groundhog Day

2010-02-02T09:12:00.000-08:00

"Getting your long-term winter weather forecast from a large ground squirrel is at least as accurate as getting it from the National Weather Service"

Disclaimer: Information and opinion given in Berner Blog should be used as a guide only and should not be relied upon as the sole source of information or opinion relating to its content. No warranty, either express or implied, is made with respect to the material contained herein. Hoover is absolutely, definitely, completely and totally not responsible for any loss, inconvenience, damage (whether direct or consequential) or claims arising out of the use of the information and opinion contained in this website. He is especially not liable for anything Randy says. I mean, come on, Hoover is a dog!

News from Punxsutawney

2010-02-02T07:11:00.000-08:00

The Inner Circle spoke with Phil early this morning on Gobbler's Knob. Good news! Six more weeks of Winter!

Potentially disturbing cookie news

2010-01-25T15:39:00.000-08:00

It appears that Trader Joe's has discontinued my Peanut Butter Newtons. Randy had a premonition and stockpiled them for me some time ago but has been in an ever-increasing panic as the number of boxes in the cupboard dwindled and they have not reappeared at the market.

He told me nothing about this as he was worried I would go into a tailspin and become sullen. I don't see what chasing my tail and being depressed have to do with each other.

Today he discovered a new dog treat at TJ's: A vanilla sandwich cookie with a peanut butter filling!

Being a reasonable dog, I am going to try and make do, for Randy's sake.

Sheila thinks we're both ridiculous. Females are basically insensitive, I suppose.

Lagomorphs depart

2010-01-18T10:09:00.000-08:00

One of Annie's rabbits was kind enough to pose for a yarn shop vernal equinox publicity still before hopping off...could be ZZ, could be Top.

The rabbits appear to be growing...

2010-01-16T09:57:00.000-08:00

...by many angstroms this week alone. Where will it end? Will Annie be able to pry ZZ and Top out of their cage on Monday or will she need wire cutters? Stay tuned.

Rabbits redux

2010-01-15T06:51:00.000-08:00

ZZ and Top are enjoying their vacation with Sheila. They race around the roving room while she knits and hums. They are kind of cute, I suppose, but I will be happy when they go back to their hutch on Monday. I'm not getting nearly enough attention.

Randy is still making the rabbits nervous. Today he asked them what one would get if s/he poured boiling water down a rabbit hole. I'm not sure that is a good thing to ask a rabbit, even if it is supposed to be a humorous riddle.

Mouse over for the answer to the rabbit riddle

Rabbits renamed

2010-01-10T11:17:00.000-08:00

Randy renamed Chazz and Frankie. He's likes ZZ and Top better (because they go through a lot of papers). He says one of the nice things about rabbits is that you can call them anything you want and they don't care, as long as you keep their box of hay full.

Sheila had a dyeing class at the trade show today that she thought was a lot of fun. She's coming home tomorrow! She really, really likes the weather in Long Beach (sunny, 74 degrees) but is coming home anyway...I guess she misses me.

Chazz and Frankie

2010-01-08T18:43:00.000-08:00

Annie's angora rabbits are visiting us for a few days while Annie is on vacation. Sheila is their godmother. How my alpha dog became the godmother of rabbits is beyond me. Humans!

Anyway, the rabbits seem a little nervous. Perhaps it is because they have just been informed that Randy will be taking care of them until Sheila comes back from her yarn expedition on Monday, or maybe it is because I am a big black dog and the cage door is open. If I were a rabbit, I'd be more worried about Randy.

Sheila is in Long Beach at The National NeedleArts Association trade show. Today she learned how to use a loom. That's her idea of excitement.

A more typical pose

2010-01-05T11:16:00.000-08:00

Here I am next to Mom's knitting bag. I'm still recovering from my short sprint down the easement on December 24th.

There has been some talk of visiting rabbits. I suppose I will be expected to behave myself.

Must Be Santa

2009-12-25T13:33:00.001-08:00

What bears, berners and rhinoceros have in common

2009-12-24T13:13:00.000-08:00

We all can move surprisingly fast...

Winter solstice tomorrow at 10:47AM MST

2009-12-20T14:28:00.000-08:00

Hot Dog!

2009-11-12T11:56:00.000-08:00

The Wienermobile came to Santa Fe County today.

I can't get so much as a cocktail wiener from Randy and Sheila. Look at the size of that thing. BIG, like me.

Interesting Wienermobile facts:

Only recent college graduates are eligible for the enviable position of hotdogger (driver)
There are only 7 Wienermobiles in the entire country!
On July 17, 2009, a Wienermobile on a dead end street in Mount Pleasant, Wisconsin was attempting to turn around in a home's driveway. The hotdogger accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake and lodged the Wienermobile under a house, destroying a deck

Field Trip!!

2009-10-03T16:11:00.000-07:00

Sheila took me to the Taos Wool Festival today. It was sunny and warm and I got lots of good scratches. My badge was on my leash so everybody knew my name.

Jana came along and Annie met us there. Sheila asked Randy if he wanted to go and he said "NO!!!, but have a nice time".

Yarrrr!

2009-09-19T15:00:00.000-07:00

Ahoy, matey! Yo ho ho!

It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Never mind that Switzerland be landlocked!

Avast, belay and heave to! Give over timely yon chest of biscuits and newtons and I won't run ye through, miserable bilge rat!

It's a full dram of treats or Davy Jones' Locker at full fathom five, scurve, so ye best stand and deliver!

Lots of birds around this year, not counting hummers

2009-08-21T17:31:00.000-07:00

Randy and Sheila keep a pie plate filled with water out on the table next to the BBQ all year round. There have been a lot of birds there this year, for some reason(maybe they were here all along but just found out about the pie plate).

There is a mated pair of ravens all year round (they clean their food and toys in the plate-this can be a bit gross), along with bluejays, towhees, chickadees, titmice, finches,woodpeckers, flickers, gnatcatchers,phoebes, sparrows, robins and probably others that we don't know about. There has been some talk of a wireless, infrared bird-cam. Randy would like to see the owls drinking at night, or see a Clark's nutcracker again (so far only one pair sighted in 20 years).

None of the species will drink together, except for titmice, chickadees and sparrows, and even they they look at each other with great suspicion.

Then there are the hummingbirds that come back every year, several dozen of them once the fledglings are out in mid-July. Randy and Sheila go through about 40 pounds of cane sugar each time(hummers don't seem to like beet sugar as well). Sugar water is for quick energy; they also eat bugs and collect nectar from flowers. The feeders never seem to delay their migration, which Randy hopes will be pretty soon because he is tired of feeding them.

Every once in a while the local red-tailed hawk swoops in and tries to catch a hummer. I'm not sure if it's been successful, but one time it crashed into a window and was unconscious for a few seconds. Surprise!

An amusing bird we've never seen before this year is the white-breasted nuthatch. They crawl down trees headfirst, then stop and turn their heads at a right angle. They have a low, monotonic whistle. It doesn't say this in Audubon's, but they seem to enjoy their baths a lot more than other birds and in general seem more extroverted than the rest of the tree-clingers around here.

Here's a nuthatch:

Odds and ends

2009-08-18T19:55:00.001-07:00

I am participating in a research study on hemangiosarcoma in the Bernese Mountain Dog. Sheila says this might help veterinarians save more of us. That's nice I guess, but I am mostly excited about taking a ride in the Subaru.

Sheila says that Jana broke her toe , just like I did a few months ago. This doesn't mean she has an hemangiosarcoma (she isn't tricolored and quadrupedal, for starters).

Randy asked me to post his latest shot of plant life, along with some very random items that HE thinks are amusing. I hope I've made it clear that he owes me a five minute double ear rub.

(What is this, anyway? A moldy artichoke?)

•Amaze your friends and relatives (or, perchance, worry them greatly)
•An evening with Groucho Marx
•Why are manhole covers round?

A Bernese Mountain Spider!

2009-07-27T15:02:00.001-07:00

She is living on our front porch. We have one every summer. The male is nearby, looking nervous.

She is beautiful but not quite as cuddly as me. The squeamish should prepare themselves, or eschew this link altogether.

Read about Bernese Moutain Spiders

Junior assumes the thunderstorm position

2009-07-22T16:08:00.001-07:00

About my broken toe...

2009-07-22T15:33:00.001-07:00

Anyway, while Sheila (vet and mom) was looking at my broken toe she felt a subcutaneous lump hidden way up on my inner thigh. She took it out with good margins and sent it off to the lab. It took me a long time to wake up from the anesthesia (I'm sensitive).

It turned out to be an hemangiosarcoma .

The bad news is that these malignant tumors are relatively common in Berners and usually fatal because they most often become apparent only after they metastatize to places like the spleen. Then they burst and that's that!

The good news is that this one appeared right under my skin and Sheila probably got it on time. An ultrasound showed nothing bad and I've had six weeks of local chemotherapy. Now I'm on this antiangiogenic diet with some supporting meds. The oncologist called me a "big goof" (she hasn't met Junior).

Pretty good service...my prognosis is "decent" according to my mom/vet so I may stick around for a while. That idea seems to make Sheila and Randy happy, so I am happy. Dogs are actually more rational than people and not worried about death, but they do like their humans.

The peculiar feature of this ridiculous nonsense is the coincidence of the broken toe. I have no time to ponder this now as there is a thunderstorm and I must go in the master bedroom and hide.

I broke my toe three weeks ago

2009-06-19T06:48:00.000-07:00

It was the pinkie on my right back leg. Things went seriously downhill from there, but now they are going back uphill. I haven't been in the mood to blog.

It's a longish saga with a remarkable coincidence in the plot, but right now I must clean out Junior's dinner bowl so I will tell the story a little later.

In the meantime, you may amuse yourself with this if you've nothing better to do:

Press Me

Now I'm sure that I'm not amused

2009-05-30T14:24:00.000-07:00

I'm trying not to get my nose out of joint about this, but I am fervently hoping that Randy will start his own web diary and not ask me to post any more of these weird pictures in MY BLOG!

Randy is learning about Aviary webware

2009-05-29T11:25:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure I find this amusing, but I generally try very hard to humor my humans.

Aviary

Where does Larry go on Saturday night?

2009-05-16T09:48:00.001-07:00

It's the Creature from the Black Lagoon!

2009-05-13T14:43:00.000-07:00

Relax. It's just Sheila, complete with waterproofed iPod, doing some pool maintenance. I knew that immediately because I'm a dog. She gave Randy quite a start, though.

Read about the Creature

Bob Dylan must have been a dog in a previous life

2009-05-10T21:08:00.000-07:00

Oh well, I love you pretty baby
You're the only love I've ever known
Just as long as you stay with me
The whole world is my throne
Beyond here lies nothin'
Nothin' we can call our own

Well, I'm movin' after midnight
Down boulevards of broken cars
Don't know what I'd do without it
Without this love that we call ours
Beyond here lies nothin'
Nothin' but the moon and stars

Down every street there's a window
And every window's made of glass
We'll keep on lovin' pretty baby
For as long as love will last
Beyond here lies nothin'
But the mountains of the past

Well, my ship is in the harbor
And the sails are spread
Listen to me, pretty baby
Lay your hand upon my head
Beyond here lies nothin'
Nothin' done and nothin' said

Beyond Here Lies Nothin', from Together Through Life
(check out the official online store...buy a Dylan manicure set!)

The great disturbance in the Force is gone

2009-05-06T20:09:00.000-07:00