Friday, December 25, 2009

Thursday, December 24, 2009

What bears, berners and rhinoceros have in common

We all can move surprisingly fast...

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Hot Dog!

The Wienermobile came to Santa Fe County today.

I can't get so much as a cocktail wiener from Randy and Sheila. Look at the size of that thing. BIG, like me.

Interesting Wienermobile facts:
  • Only recent college graduates are eligible for the enviable position of hotdogger (driver)
  • There are only 7 Wienermobiles in the entire country!
  • On July 17, 2009, a Wienermobile on a dead end street in Mount Pleasant, Wisconsin was attempting to turn around in a home's driveway. The hotdogger accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake and lodged the Wienermobile under a house, destroying a deck

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Field Trip!!


Sheila took me to the Taos Wool Festival today. It was sunny and warm and I got lots of good scratches. My badge was on my leash so everybody knew my name.

Jana came along and Annie met us there. Sheila asked Randy if he wanted to go and he said "NO!!!, but have a nice time".




Saturday, September 19, 2009

Yarrrr!


Ahoy, matey! Yo ho ho!

It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Never mind that Switzerland be landlocked!

Avast, belay and heave to! Give over timely yon chest of biscuits and newtons and I won't run ye through, miserable bilge rat!

It's a full dram of treats or Davy Jones' Locker at full fathom five, scurve, so ye best stand and deliver!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Lots of birds around this year, not counting hummers

Randy and Sheila keep a pie plate filled with water out on the table next to the BBQ all year round. There have been a lot of birds there this year, for some reason(maybe they were here all along but just found out about the pie plate).

There is a mated pair of ravens all year round (they clean their food and toys in the plate-this can be a bit gross), along with bluejays, towhees, chickadees, titmice, finches,woodpeckers, flickers, gnatcatchers,phoebes, sparrows, robins and probably others that we don't know about. There has been some talk of a wireless, infrared bird-cam. Randy would like to see the owls drinking at night, or see a Clark's nutcracker again (so far only one pair sighted in 20 years).

None of the species will drink together, except for titmice, chickadees and sparrows, and even they they look at each other with great suspicion.

Then there are the hummingbirds that come back every year, several dozen of them once the fledglings are out in mid-July. Randy and Sheila go through about 40 pounds of cane sugar each time(hummers don't seem to like beet sugar as well). Sugar water is for quick energy; they also eat bugs and collect nectar from flowers. The feeders never seem to delay their migration, which Randy hopes will be pretty soon because he is tired of feeding them.

Every once in a while the local red-tailed hawk swoops in and tries to catch a hummer. I'm not sure if it's been successful, but one time it crashed into a window and was unconscious for a few seconds. Surprise!

An amusing bird we've never seen before this year is the white-breasted nuthatch. They crawl down trees headfirst, then stop and turn their heads at a right angle. They have a low, monotonic whistle. It doesn't say this in Audubon's, but they seem to enjoy their baths a lot more than other birds and in general seem more extroverted than the rest of the tree-clingers around here.

Here's a nuthatch:

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Odds and ends

I am participating in a research study on hemangiosarcoma in the Bernese Mountain Dog. Sheila says this might help veterinarians save more of us. That's nice I guess, but I am mostly excited about taking a ride in the Subaru.

Sheila says that Jana broke her toe , just like I did a few months ago. This doesn't mean she has an hemangiosarcoma (she isn't tricolored and quadrupedal, for starters).

Randy asked me to post his latest shot of plant life, along with some very random items that HE thinks are amusing. I hope I've made it clear that he owes me a five minute double ear rub.



(What is this, anyway? A moldy artichoke?)

Amaze your friends and relatives (or, perchance, worry them greatly)
An evening with Groucho Marx
•Why are manhole covers round?

Monday, July 27, 2009

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Junior assumes the thunderstorm position

About my broken toe...

Anyway, while Sheila (vet and mom) was looking at my broken toe she felt a subcutaneous lump hidden way up on my inner thigh. She took it out with good margins and sent it off to the lab. It took me a long time to wake up from the anesthesia (I'm sensitive).

It turned out to be an hemangiosarcoma .

The bad news is that these malignant tumors are relatively common in Berners and usually fatal because they most often become apparent only after they metastatize to places like the spleen. Then they burst and that's that!

The good news is that this one appeared right under my skin and Sheila probably got it on time. An ultrasound showed nothing bad and I've had six weeks of local chemotherapy. Now I'm on this antiangiogenic diet with some supporting meds. The oncologist called me a "big goof" (she hasn't met Junior).

Pretty good service...my prognosis is "decent" according to my mom/vet so I may stick around for a while. That idea seems to make Sheila and Randy happy, so I am happy. Dogs are actually more rational than people and not worried about death, but they do like their humans.

The peculiar feature of this ridiculous nonsense is the coincidence of the broken toe. I have no time to ponder this now as there is a thunderstorm and I must go in the master bedroom and hide.

Friday, June 19, 2009

I broke my toe three weeks ago

It was the pinkie on my right back leg. Things went seriously downhill from there, but now they are going back uphill. I haven't been in the mood to blog.

It's a longish saga with a remarkable coincidence in the plot, but right now I must clean out Junior's dinner bowl so I will tell the story a little later.

In the meantime, you may amuse yourself with this if you've nothing better to do:

Press Me

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Now I'm sure that I'm not amused

I'm trying not to get my nose out of joint about this, but I am fervently hoping that Randy will start his own web diary and not ask me to post any more of these weird pictures in MY BLOG!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Randy is learning about Aviary webware

I'm not sure I find this amusing, but I generally try very hard to humor my humans.

Aviary

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

It's the Creature from the Black Lagoon!

Relax. It's just Sheila, complete with waterproofed iPod, doing some pool maintenance. I knew that immediately because I'm a dog. She gave Randy quite a start, though.

Read about the Creature

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Bob Dylan must have been a dog in a previous life

Oh well, I love you pretty baby
You're the only love I've ever known
Just as long as you stay with me
The whole world is my throne
Beyond here lies nothin'
Nothin' we can call our own

Well, I'm movin' after midnight
Down boulevards of broken cars
Don't know what I'd do without it
Without this love that we call ours
Beyond here lies nothin'
Nothin' but the moon and stars

Down every street there's a window
And every window's made of glass
We'll keep on lovin' pretty baby
For as long as love will last
Beyond here lies nothin'
But the mountains of the past

Well, my ship is in the harbor
And the sails are spread
Listen to me, pretty baby
Lay your hand upon my head
Beyond here lies nothin'
Nothin' done and nothin' said



Beyond Here Lies Nothin', from Together Through Life
(check out the official online store...buy a Dylan manicure set!)

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Sheila's coming back from Maryland today



¡HOORAY!




My personal veterinarian is through roving about the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival and is returning to my territory with lots of roving (I'll leave the obvious and ridiculous canine puns to Junior). She also visited the Kraemer Yarn factory in Nazareth, PA and saw old friends in Conestoga Township in Lancaster County. There was a field trip with Leslie to a Dansko outlet store which excited her a lot (50% off!).

I still don't understand why she left to go look at sheep. Humans are a complete mystery.

Not the Sheila told me that right now she's at BWI sitting in one of those comfortable padded chairs equipped with a cup holder and USB port, waiting for her ride west. I have no idea what a USB port or a BWI is but I don't care as long as she is coming back.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Tonight's meal

Not the Sheila is not Sheila, but he's more fun at dinnertime!
  • 1 cup diet kibble
  • 1/2 cup regular kibble
  • a bit of leftover cat food (salmon with rice)
  • 1 quite small peanut butter pretzel
  • 3 miniscule Pepperidge Farm goldfish
  • subatomic crumbs from a virtually empty box of Trader Joe's dog newtons
  • generous dash of well water (wheeeee!)
All ingredients were arranged in an esthetically pleasing way, with a tiny piece of rawhide from a bonsai steer for dessert.

What a creative way to starve me to death.

Randy

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Twitter is not all bad



Twitter lets me know that My Mom still exists somewhere in The Cloud. I suppose that's something, although Berners prefer to have slightly better information on the exact locations of their humans(a tolerance of two nanometers is standard, unless there is a thunderstorm). My vanishingly slight apologies to Biz Stone.

Until Sheila returns from the Maryland Sheep & Wool Festival, I am making do with Not the Sheila

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Bummer

Sheila took her iPod and suitcase and twittered off to the Maryland Sheep & Wool Festival. How depressing.

Maybe Randy will give me a milk biscuit to help me temporarily forget this horrible event; every dark cloud has a silver lining.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Thursday, April 23, 2009

My new swamp cooler

  • 1100 cfm max flow (big dogs need big coolers)
  • large reservoir for all-day Berner refrigeration
  • analog controls (digital controls BEEP...very scary)
  • it rolls!


Junior's Twit-u (i.e., tweeting in haiku)


Twitter twitter woof
Twitter twitter twitter woof --
Woof woof woof twitter!

I'm truly sorry about this. I have a sentimental weakness for my child.

If your ears are still ringing, this pre-Internet sonnet on the nature of twittering may soothe your pain.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Maureen Dowd is my hero

"Twitter seems like telegrams without the news"

"I would rather be tied up to stakes in the Kalahari Desert, have honey poured over me and red ants eat out my eyes than open a Twitter account"

Dowd's interview with Twitter founder Biz Stone

In the spirit of equal time, here is Junior's witty and incisive rebuttal to Ms. Dowd:

Bite Me!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I could be Junior's younger brother!*





*I'm not vain, just objective (that's moi, on the left, in case your vision is impaired)


Thursday, April 16, 2009

What is JR babbling about now?

Junior is going on and on about Oprah tweeting on Friday and fail whales. Oprah isn't a bird and what does this have to do with underachieving aquatic mammals anyway?

Maybe I am imagining all of this. Perhaps I am simply mad with hunger. I wonder if Sheila would give me a piece of Cheddar cheese...


Monday, April 13, 2009

An easy horticultural puzzle


Bonsai, bonsai-in-training and definitely not bonsai. Which are which?



Sunday, April 5, 2009

Why I like April snow showers

1. Go outside for 5 minutes and turn white
2. Go inside. Get dried and massaged with a bath towel...oooh
3. Check for treats

Repeat until flurries stop. Take a nap.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

My son, the twitterer

Junior has asked me to share his tweets

If you are expecting insight, wisdom, profundity or anything remotely intelligent this is definitely not for you. Really, there is no meaningful content at all.

My offspring, whom i adore, has the gravitas of a helium balloon.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Postcard from my favorite being


Sheila does a creditable impersonation of the Great Sphinx at the
Pyramid of Khafra in Giza

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The Berner in a nutshell

An Excerpt from Wikipedia

"...Bernese are outdoor dogs at heart, though well-behaved in the house; they need activity and exercise, but do not have a great deal of endurance. They can move with amazing bursts of speed for their size when motivated. If they are sound (no problems with their hips, elbows, or other joints) they enjoy hiking and generally stick close to their people.


The Bernese temperament is a strong point of the breed. They are affectionate, loyal, faithful, stable, intelligent, but sometimes shy. The majority of Bernese are friendly to people, and other dogs. They often get along well with other pets such as cats, horses, etc. They are trainable provided the owner is patient and consistent in training; Bernese need time to think things through. They do not respond well to harsh treatment, however Berners are willing and eager to please their master. Bernese love to be encouraged with praise and treats. The breed is sweet and good with children, despite their great size. Overall, they are stable in temperament, patient, and loving.

Bernese Mountain Dogs are quirky, loving dogs, craving love and affection. They love to lean against people, sit on their feet, or lie down under their legs while people sit.

Bernese Mountain Dogs are slow to mature, and can display puppy-like tendencies up to 2 1/2 years of age.

Important notes
  • The picture of the handsome fellow above is taken from the Wikipedia article. If he were slightly more attractive he could be my identical twin.
  • For your convenience and enlightenment I have highlighted, in a subtle way, the sentence of key importance in these paragraphs.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Tao of Hoover



Perfect napping can be experienced, but never explained


Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Bonsai gazing down on Berners


A tree we cannot water

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Prioritized list of foods, best last

  • Dirt / Pebbles
  • You Know
  • PiƱon/Juniper Twig
  • Old Pine Cone
  • Baby Carrot
  • Diet Kibble
  • Apple Core
  • Regular Kibble
  • New, Ripe Pine Cone w/ Nuts Intact
  • Dead creatures in the yard, preferably no more than 8 or 9 days old
  • Cheerios
  • Milk Biscuit, Plain
  • Cat Food
  • Pepperidge Farm Goldfish
  • Almonds
  • Milk Biscuit with Thin Layer of PB or Cream Cheese
  • All Cheeses and Cheese Rinds (pepper jack excluded)
  • All Meats (raw,stewed, roasted, fried, baked, dried, green or not)
  • Trader Joe's Soft Dog Treats AKA PB Newtons!

Friday, February 20, 2009

My first haiku

All Akitas and many others will laugh

Lying on the snow
Nestling deep in cool white sand --
Summer is too hot

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Hoover's riddle (with apologies to Diophantus)

Yesterday morning a human gave Hoover one-sixth of the peanut butter newtons he received that day. Shortly thereafter, Hoover managed to get, through deceit, one-twelfth more from the other human. For brunch, Hoover got one-seventh of his newtons and then 5 more by acting really cute and pathetic (I'm starving!, Look! I'm begging!, etc.). To his great consternation his son, Junior, managed to get the same number of newtons he got for dinner, which was half of Hoover's daily quota. Later that night Hoover exacted revenge by securing 4 more newtons from a sleepy and confused human while Junior was outside barking at the air.

  • How many newtons did Hoover get yesterday?
  • Is he as obtuse as Sheila thinks he is?
  • Should he be on a diet?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Berner's lament

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
One human at home
Is not as good as two.

A philosophical moment

so many treats,
so little time.